Episode 822: Are You Respected By Your Team?

 An office reached out to the Dental A-Team with the following question: How can an office manager earn respect from a team that’s not listening? Kiera shares tips on the proper approach to being an effective office manager (or anyone, really) in the dental practice. 

She explains why OMs should: 

• Understand your motive in the position

• Consider the best interests of the business

• Avoid empty threats

• And more

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Transcript:

Kiera Dent (00:01.17)

Hello, Dental A Team listeners. This is Kiera and welcome to podcast day. I hope you guys are ready for it. I'm ready for it. I hope you're having just the best day of your life. Uh, I enjoy dentistry so much. I feel like it is such a blessing that we all get to be a part of this thing called dentistry and we get to change lives. We get to make people happier. You guys, I just love podcasting with you. So I hope you're having a killer day. I hope it's incredible. And I just want to remind you that language is power and that what we're looking for.

available and we're going to find ways to prove ourselves right. So whether it's actually real or not real, you're going to find ways to prove yourself right. So if it's having the best day and I'm in the best profession, you're going to find supporting evidence for that. If you're saying it's the worst day, you're going to find supporting evidence for that. So just make sure I believe that language is powerful. My husband and I were watching a show the other night and they said, you know, marriage is really hard was what one couple said. And then another couple said, you know, marriage, it takes, it takes, um,

dedication and it is so worth it. And I just thought both were true, but which one do I want? What kind of a marriage or a relationship do I want? I don't want one that's hard work. I don't want one that takes a lot of hard work. And I remember hearing someone say that and I was like, well, my marriage doesn't feel that way. My marriage is something where, yes, we have gone through some difficult times and some hard challenges. I don't think any of us are immune to that. But again, language is powerful. And so making -

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Kiera Dent (01:24.69)

that the language that you're using is actually giving you the life you want. So I hope you guys are thinking about it is the best day and I am having an incredible day and I do get to work in this incredible thing called dentistry. So on that note, thanks for being a part of our Dental A Team podcast family. Be sure to like, subscribe, share this with someone, go post it in the Facebook groups, tag us while you're listening. I love to see where you guys are listening. I see you all the time. We will repost you. So people can just, I think it should be a challenge like who listens in the most random place?

Snap a picture. If you listen in the shower, I don't want to see you. You can snap a picture to let us know, but I do not want to see you there. So I want to know where's the most random place people are listening to the Dental A Team podcast. Let's see it. Also, let's see it pop it up across the globe. I want to see, I know we have you guys in so many different countries across the, across the globe. It is magical. And I am committed to getting this into the hands of every single dentist. Let's positively impact the world of dentistry in the greatest way possible. And that's doing this with you.

All right, so today I wanted to talk about, we calmed the groups, we're finding topics that you guys want. Anytime you want us to do a podcast, email us, hellothedentaleeteam .com, or be sure to go to our website, thedentaleeteam .com, click on our podcast link and be sure to just leave any ideas. I see those, I review them. I have a running list of ideas, so be sure to have it there. This one comes from a group and they said, how to make an office manager gain respect within the team when the team won't listen. And I thought, wow.

This is an awesome topic. I hope you guys are ready for it because I think that this is real life. I think that this can happen. I think that so often we, we think that just because we have the title, that instantly means that we get respect and I've coached a lot of office managers in dental 18. We are a consulting company. We do virtual consulting and we do in -person consulting. And so we've been able to train and coach a lot of office managers, a lot of different management styles, a lot of different dentists with leaders.

And just because you have the title does not mean you get the respect. And I think so often when I look at an office and I'm watching an office manager and they don't have the respect within the team, it's usually from a couple of different factors. One factor is they're genuinely not, they're more concerned about being liked. They're not concerned about being respected. Brittany Stone, I think is actually one of the greatest leaders I've ever witnessed. She's our operations. She's also a consultant. Don't worry. I know our no BS Brit fans out there.

Kiera Dent (03:47.846)

But I watched Brit because I actually think Brit is an incredible leader and she gains respect very quickly and Brit is very quiet. Brit is not the outgoing one. She's not the bubbly one. She can be and she can turn it on when she needs to be. But Brit's natural state is not one that I think you would naturally recognize and say, oh my gosh, that's a leader. But Brit is one of the most incredible leaders. So just realize you don't need to be the strong, outgoing person to be an incredible leader. Sometimes the quiet, the subtle, the behind the scenes.

can also be a very influential leader. But something I've watched with Britt and other leaders across that I think are just really, really phenomenal leaders are that they love to lead, they love to serve. But Britt says a statement and she says, kind is clear, or excuse me, clear is kind. And when you're more clear, you're more direct, that's being kind, as opposed to trying to sugarcoat, to win it over. And so when a team is not respecting an office manager, I look back to say, number one, what's the motive?

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Kiera Dent (04:45.682)

And there's a really good book by Patrick Lanziani called The Motive. And it talks about like, why are we in leadership? What's our motive for being in leadership? And I read this during COVID and it made me stop and think, and it might be a good quick read for all your leaders to see why are we in leadership? What's your reason for wanting to be an office manager? Is it because you want to climb the ladder? Again, none of these things are wrong. I just want you to check to see what your motive is. Do you want to climb the ladder? Like you're kind of bored and you're like, that's the next step. Do you want to be an office manager for the power and the title?

Like truthfully, I know I was driven by titles for sure. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But I do think that that's the wrong reason to be a leader. Because true leaders, when I listen to them, like when I ask Britt why she wants to be a leader, Britt doesn't want the fanfare. Britt doesn't want to be in the spotlight. Britt wants to come in and create the clarity, create the processes, create the structure, and create a way for the team to be listened, heard, and what's ultimately fair.

And so when I'm looking at as an office manager, not having favorites, honest to goodness, I don't even know if I'm Britt's favorite. Britt does not have favorites in our team. Britt is very black and white. Britt is very logical and Britt really truly comes in and she does not stay, she doesn't change a lot. She's very consistent, but she's willing to hear both sides and then ultimately come in for what's best for the business. And so I think when office managers are not respected, the team won't listen. Well, are we actually listening to our team as well?

And just because you listen does not mean you need to comply. Listening just means we're getting all the facts to the table and then we're ultimately making the best decision for the business. And I think when office managers can come to it with, I am making decisions not necessarily for what I want, for what you want, for what these different departments want, we're coming in and figuring out what is ultimately best for the business. And when I talk to Britt, and again, I'm gonna just lean on her because she's my closest person who I really do believe is such an incredible leader. Our whole team respects Britt.

whole team knows when Britt comes into play. She's very fair. She communicates exceptionally well, and she's willing to like write things up and she's always willing to take ownership and apologize, but she also has a backbone and she will say no when things need to be changed up. And I think that that's just a beautiful way to look at this. And so when these office managers aren't having respect, the team's not listening to them. Usually, like I said, one, they're trying to be friends. Two, they're trying to be liked. Three, you guys, I was this one. I was managing with an iron fist.

Kiera Dent (07:07.474)

I am the manager, you listen to what I say. I'm not there to listen for what's in the best interest of the business. And honestly, my ego is driving. And so, and sometimes it does come in where we've got to say black and white, this is what's going forward. And then you've got to stay consistent because if you lay out protocols and policies with your team, but then they aren't being followed through on your team does not believe you and they don't listen to you. Britt knows when she rolls out something, she thinks through it and she processes through and she builds protocol because again, clear is kind.

And so when we're going to roll a new protocol, so let's say we want to do handoffs. Well, let's train the team. Let's educate the team. Let's create a protocol for the team and then let's roll it out to the team. That sounds like so much work. And a lot of times people like myself don't want to spend the time being that clear with our team, but then the expectation is very clear and now we can hold people accountable to that. And if they choose not to, then there's consequences that follow. And so when I'm, when I read this question and I was excited to make this podcast, I just thought,

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Kiera Dent (08:05.778)

Oh my goodness. Well, what's going on with this one is probably there's the wrong motive. They're not willing to do what it takes to be a true good manager. Um, we've got to make sure it is clear. We've got to make sure it's the protocols and then also making sure that again, it's always in the best interest of the business. So when we're looking at protocols or we're looking to roll things out, it's not for what I want. You know, maybe we don't need a protocol and handouts. I know you listen to a lot of things on the podcast. Just have a running list of ideas you want to implement and then we will implement them.

But for right now, the goal is to not be changing things up. The goal is to be not doing my own self -serving motives. The goal is what's in the best interest of the business. Also, I've watched Brit and there are certain things where people will ask for it and you can say the answer is no right now, but I'm going to revisit it in the next three months. And then we'll have a discussion about it, but for right now, this is not something that's going to move us forward. I hear you, I understand your perspective. I wanna let you know the answer is no today and I'm gonna revisit it in about three months.

but you've got to have good reasons and then follow through with what you say. Another thing that when teams stop respecting their leadership is when people don't follow through on what they say they're going to do. So it's like empty threats. I think about parents, we see this all the time and little kids are doing something and they're like, hey, Johnny, if you do that one more time, we're going to go home. And then Johnny does it like seven more times and mom still or dad still doesn't take Johnny home. Same thing with office managers. How often are they making quote unquote empty threats of, hey, I'll get back to you.

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Kiera Dent (09:28.114)

at this time or hey, if this happens again, this will be the consequence. But do they follow through on the good and the bad? Do they follow through on when they say they're gonna get something done? Because if not, teams will radically disrespect you and rip you in half because they feel like they can't trust you and they can't lean on you and you haven't earned their respect. I remember someone came to me one time in my career and they said, Keira, I expect you to respect me. And I just was taken back from that because I thought you can expect me all day long.

But if you don't show up as a leader and you don't come through and you don't follow through on what you say you're going to do, and you don't lead in a way that actually is fair, I'm never going to respect you, truthfully, because respect is earned. Respect is something that we don't go tell a team. You can give the titles all day long, but Bridget didn't even need a title to be viewed as a leader. True leaders are leading because they want to serve.

They wanna make sure that the best interest of the business is always what's done. Britt says all the time, she says, the business is another partner at the table right now and they have a voice and we need to speak for them. And so thinking of the business or your practice sitting at the table, so when hygiene and dental assistants and front office are all coming, we all hear the perspectives and we bring the perspectives to the table, but at the end of the day, the business is sitting in the middle and that's the one that we ultimately make decisions for. So just because one wants to work Fridays and one wants to work not working Fridays,

Ultimately, what's in the best interest of the business? And then how can we make it the most fair for the team that's the most clear? So again, when I heard this, I just thought, well, check the motive and let's see what the motive is. Check to see, are we doing this to be liked or are we doing these things to be respected? Are we following through on the things that we commit to or are we dropping the ball left and right? And if so, that's on us. People tell me all the time, like, Kiera, I'm just not that kind of a person. I don't remember. I don't have a good memory. Fantastic. I'm glad you know yourself.

Now it's your opportunity to find a way to make that your strength and not a crutch. You guys, honestly, by nature, I did not remember things or follow through very well. That's something that I will admit honestly and openly, but that does not mean I can lean on that as a crutch and an excuse. That means that I need to go find tools and resources and ways and whatever it is, if I commit to you, it's my word and I'm always going to follow through no matter what. I put reminders in my phone, I put reminders on my computer. I have reminders that follow up on when I'm supposed to check in with people.

Kiera Dent (11:50.898)

And that was something that's developed over time, but it becomes a habit and a standard of being. And so raise those standards. Don't just let it slip and slide and be like, ah, my team understands I was busy. No, they don't. They're watching you. And also another thing is the poor performance of a teammate, whatever your leadership is tolerating, your team's watching and that becomes a standard. So the worst thing that these leaders can do is tolerate poor performance in front of their really good performers.

And so being fair, not having favorites, making sure that you kind of insulate yourself of what's best of the business. And your job is to always represent that while still hearing people out, listening and communicating in a way that's very empowering while still being very direct, clear and kind. And I think those are ways to just really elevate that leadership to get the respect of the team. Now, just because we're doing the right thing does not mean it's an instant shift. A lot of times the new leader comes into play and it does take a while.

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Kiera Dent (12:47.666)

But what the team's doing when they don't respect the office manager is they're testing to see, is this office manager actually going to follow through? Is this office manager, if we say X, Y, Z, are they actually gonna follow through? And it will take usually one or two times for someone to actually follow through on a hard decision before that team realizes we're serious. And you'll start to have a culture shift because we actually follow through on what we say we're going to do. We expect you to be living up to these standards and then always go in when someone's not with curiosity.

I think curiosity was one of the greatest things that any leader can ever learn of go in and try to really truly get inside that other person's perspective and understand why they're there and then make the best decision for the business. Rather than coming in with judgment of curiosity of tell me more, hey, help me understand your view on this. I really want to understand why that's there for you. Now, again, it's always in the best interest of the business. It's always making sure that we're trying to be equal, fair and respectful. And when we do those things, teams will respect you.

Teams will follow you because they know that they can count on you, that you're dependable, that you're going to be consistent, that what you say you'll actually do. I remember there was an office manager and the other office manager had been run off by the billing team. And so a new office manager was put into place and the biller was like, it's fine. The office manager has no clue what I'm doing. And the team said, you better watch yourself because they will fire you. Like this new office manager will fire you if you are not living up to the standards of our practice.

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Kiera Dent (14:14.29)

And the biller didn't believe it. And sure enough, they were gone and that office manager learned and they brought in another, another biller because that office manager knew if I have a team that's not willing to follow through and just thinks they can float on by, and I'm not doing what's best for the business by having a biller who could actually follow through, that's toxic for my team. And they're watching to see what I'm going to do. Those decisions are not easy and they're not made lightly, but at the end of the day, it's what's in the best interest of the business. The team instantly shifted because they knew that this office manager was willing to do whatever it took.

was going to learn it and was going to bring in somebody who was even better than the person that was there. And so I think, again, I'm not willing to go and fire people just to make a statement. I'm doing it because they're not willing to, and I've given them the chance and the opportunity, but my team knows that what I say I will execute on. And your team needs to know that. But at the same time, it's the kind, it's clear, it's consistent, what's going to ultimately earn you that respect. It's never, ever, ever, ever going to be given.

You need to earn it and you need to be a person that is having the right motives where you lead your team because you love them and you ultimately want what's best for the business. With that guys, this is something that is hard. This is something that comes over time. This is something where I get it. It's tricky. It's tricky to figure out how to navigate. And oftentimes we're just answering quickly. Take a minute, put it on a document, look it over and then come back to them with clear decisions, but make sure you're following through consistently. They can't wait on you forever. They're going to just go make decisions on their own.

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Kiera Dent (15:39.858)

And so if we can help, this is something I'm obsessed with. Like I said, we've coached so many. And I think, like I mentioned, that one office manager who really was able to start having those harder conversations to follow through, to be more consistent. And as a coach, I'm able to call them out in a loving way of saying, like, this is why your team is not respecting you. There's another office manager. And they were so frustrated. And I said, hey, let's boil it down. You're frustrated because you were ultimately wrong. And you're not willing to say you're sorry and admit that. And she was like, you're right.

I was wrong and that's why I am frustrated. But those are things that oftentimes as teammates or as doctors, we're so scared to have those conversations. And that's why I'm obsessed with consulting because I think that you have someone in your court that is ultimately there for the best interests of the business that's willing to say the uncomfortable things and teach you and your office manager how to have those conversations, how to gain the respect of your team, how to show up and earn it as opposed to just thinking because I have a title, my team will respect me.

So if we can help in any way, truly, I think that is something we excel at. Our team is full of incredible office managers who have led beautiful practices that have grown, that are large multi -doctor practices, multi -location practices, and you really have to grow on your communication when you've got multi -doctors, multiple team members. Sometimes larger practices are easier and sometimes smaller ones are. There's pros and cons to both, but our team has truly lived in the trenches. I don't hire consultants that don't have the experience and the know -how, the know -

the knowledge to be able to give that to you with the skills, the verbiage and who have done it and done it successfully. So reach out hello at thedentalateam .com or join us every Friday at 8 .30 AM Pacific, 11 .30 Eastern and just learn, learn about Dental A Team. Learn to see if this is a company that would fit well with you. I'd love to have you. Or if you're like, I know I'm all in, come join us. It truly does not have to be hard and we're here to help. We're here to train and you don't have to try and figure this out on your own. So reach out hello at thedentalateam .com or go on our website and just book a call.

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Kiera Dent (17:34.322)

It's very easy. We always give a ton of value for you. So just book a call, book a consultation. Truly, I can't wait to help and serve you. And at the end of the day, remember trust is earned and clear is kind. And as always, thanks for listening. I'll catch you next time on the Dental 18 Podcast.