Episode 644: Be Your Own Raving Fan

Tiff and Kiera are learning to love themselves, and that’s what this episode is all about: Choosing to see the beauty in others, in your friends, bosses, colleagues, and more. Together, Kiera and Tiff talk about taking ownership to build confidence, coming from a place of love (for yourself and others), and journeying through self-discovery.

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Transcript:

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0:00:05.8 Kiera Dent: Hey everyone, welcome to the Dental A Team Podcast. I'm your host, Kiera Dent, and I have this crazy idea that maybe I could combine a doctor and a team member's perspective. Because let's face it, dentistry can be a challenging profession with those two perspectives.

0:00:18.9 KD: I've been a dental assistant, treatment coordinator, scheduler, filler, office manager, regional manager, practice owner, and I have a team of traveling consultants, where we have traveled over 165 different offices coaching teams. Yup, we don't just understand you, we are you.

0:00:34.9 KD: Our mission is to positively impact the world of dental and I believe that this podcast is the greatest way I can help elevate teams grow VIP experiences, reduce stress, and create A teams. Welcome to the Dental A Team Podcast.

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0:00:52.0 KD: Hello, Dental A Team listeners, this is Kiera. And you guys, today is a super fun day because I get to have the opportunity to podcast with the one and only Spiffy Tiffy. Guys, if you don't know Spiffy Tiffy, she's [chuckle] literally my right hand. We've been together consulting for... Tiff, we're going on six years, can you believe that? Six years, Tiff.

0:01:10.3 Spiffy Tiffy: I know, I had to say it. I said in the other day in the practice, I was just done and I was like, "Oh my gosh, that time flew by."

[chuckle]

0:01:19.7 KD: It is quite surreal to think that you and I have literally known each other for that long. So with that said, Tiff, today we're just going to... We're just gonna rock, because I feel you really have an awesome topic that I think our listeners are going to love. And I was actually in Bali when I came up with this one, and the topic that I wanna do and dive into today is, "How to love yourself more."

0:01:46.2 KD: Now, people might think I'm being woo-woo 'cause this is a dental tactical practical podcast, but the reason it hit was because I feel as a society, as human beings, we do a really great job of beating ourselves up. And I think in the course of time that I've known you, I think we have both learned to grow a lot more on this topic, on this subject.

0:02:06.7 KD: And so I really wanted to just dive into it of like, "How can we actually not hate ourselves? How can we be our number one raving fans?" Because I think when you can build that momentum, you're actually a better employee, a better boss, a better spouse, a better friend, whatever you choose to be.

0:02:21.4 KD: And Tiff, I think you really learned this, and I don't know how, I don't know what you've done, but I felt like when I thought of this topic, one, selfishly, I wanna learn from you, but two, I just think you really encompassed this this year. So let's take it away, Tiff.

0:02:32.3 ST: No, thank you, thank you. And you know the way to my heart is to feed me my soul food, [chuckle] so if you want anything from me, right, you're gonna let me do the things that I love to do. So thank you for that, and thank you for all that you said there. I think that's just so special to me.

0:02:49.0 ST: And I learned so much from you on a day-to-day, so it truly makes me feel so good that you wanna learn from me too, and I appreciate that. Yeah, I think...

0:02:57.8 KD: Of course.

0:02:58.9 ST: I think that we've all learned in the last couple of years since COVID shutdown, right? We've all learned so much about just our time and our time management and what we choose to spend our time doing. And really, we've just had this opportunity to take a different look at life than we had before.

0:03:18.5 ST: I think we slowed down for a little while and then we got fast again and then we're trying to find that happy medium ground, and within all of that is really a lot of self-discovery for a lot of people. And for myself, I think my kind of "self-discovery" started in really in 2019, and I thought I was dying. I thought... I remember telling my friends...

0:03:39.8 ST: I'm in San Diego right now, so doing this podcast from here from the hotel is so surreal to me, and the whole travel to get here was an adventure and I'm just supposed to be here. And I remember in 2019, we were driving to San Diego for my friend's birthday and they were like, "What's up? Your energy is just so low."

0:03:57.4 ST: And I said, "You guys, I'm going to the doctor soon, and I just want you to know, I either have an autoimmune disorder or I'm dying. So let's have fun in San Diego. [chuckle] Enjoy this trip because it might be our last. I have no idea what's wrong with me." And I was just, I felt so sick and I just... I woke up every day just feeling really, really bad. It took me a while to get out of bed.

0:04:23.7 ST: It was so drastically different than what I was used to because I've always been super active. I've always worked out and literally did bodybuilding competition in high school because I was just so interested in what I could do with my body and just so mesmerised constantly by how I could push my body at a different level.

0:04:38.6 ST: So feeling like my body was out of control and I couldn't do the things that I wanted to do was really, really hard, and I legitimately thought I was dying, like that to me was death. [chuckle] And so I was preparing for death in life, but fast-forward, I found out I actually just have Hashimoto's, which was really, for me at least, controllable autoimmune disorder, and much better than dying. [chuckle] So I was like, "Well, shoot, okay, let's fix this."

0:05:08.4 ST: And I think, honestly, that switch really made me realise how much I value my life and what I've gone through in my body, and it really switched some things for me to have this grateful mindset of like, "What can I do?" And something that's been really relevant and coming up for me a lot lately is this idea of control, and I think that we all... We get angry, we get upset, when things are out of our control, we want to just control things, and we can't always control them.

0:05:40.0 ST: And so looking for the pieces of life that I can control. I couldn't control... In my mind, I couldn't control how my body was feeling yet, but I could control the factors that were making my body feel that way. So I could control my eating habits. I could control my health. What was I doing.

0:06:00.3 ST: So I started going to acupuncture. I started eating a different diet. I started eating for myself, and I started really taking a look at the pieces that I could be super grateful that I could control. So every day I just, I'd wake up with this grateful heart, that I woke up 'cause I was so scared I wasn't going to. And I... It still makes me emotional.

0:06:21.2 ST: And I would wake up and just be so happy that I could do these things. And so I think... I don't think you have to go through some trauma, right? You don't have to hit rock-bottom to start seeing those things, but I think I'm constantly given these gifts in life of different things that I get to go through and experience and learn new ways to do life.

0:06:51.2 ST: Because then I get to share that with so many people. And I think I was given that so that I could figure out why was this so hard, why... And why do people who do sometimes go through things like this, decide to go the other route? Like it would have been so easy to just get depressed and say, "You know what? I give up, and this sucks, and... Who knows? Put me on medication." And I was like, "Heck no, I'm gonna find a way out of this."

0:07:16.5 ST: And I think that self-love came from wanting more than what I had in front of me. I wanted a life that I could just be like enamoured all the time, and just in awe of all the things around me. And I seriously, I just walk around in awe of life. Every time I turn around, I'm like, "I just can't believe this is it. I can't believe I accomplished that thing." I can't believe yesterday I drove through black ice and made it to the airport.

[chuckle]

0:07:47.8 ST: And then I can't believe I'm sitting in San Diego when I'm supposed to be in Dallas or Phoenix. There's just so many things constantly that I think we just don't always look at those pieces that like it could have been really bad, or I could have taken this as like, "This sucks, and I can't believe this is happening to me," but I choose to look at okay, why is this happening for me? What am I supposed to get out of this that's going to make my life even better than it was the day before?

0:08:20.6 ST: And I think that's really just... That's my self-love. Because I love myself so much that I do everything I can to be the best version of me, so that I can show up for everyone else. Because if I pour myself into projects or people or anything else, and I'm just pouring all of my energy out because I desperately want to do for people, you know I'm a yes girl, and I am a...

0:08:47.8 KD: You literally just called me and you're like, "Don't say yes just because it's you're Tiff and you wanna say yes. Say yes because it works." And that is me, so I have to remember to pour love into myself and have that reserve of energy so that I can pour love into everyone else.

0:09:06.4 ST: I think so many details and so many long pieces within there, but I think that's how I do it, and I wake up every day and I'm just happy to be here, and I think, "What do I love today? What do I love about myself? What complements can I give myself?" Because compliments from other people are great, but they don't land if you don't believe them.

0:09:32.9 ST: If you don't believe that you're beautiful, if you don't believe that you truly deserve the things that people are saying about you. People can say, people can tell you constantly that you're beautiful, you deserve the life, that you could do better, you should show up differently because you're so... You're worth so much more than that. But if you don't believe those things it doesn't land.

0:09:50.7 ST: You say, "Oh, thank you, but... " Like, "Oh, I understand. Thank you so much, but I really wish I were skinnier. I really wish I had this." It's like, "No, thank you. Because I do think I'm beautiful, and I love the person that I am, and I love the person that I show up as for everyone around me, because I've worked really hard to see the beauty and who I am as a person, and the beauty in the life that's been gifted to me."

0:10:18.3 KD: That's amazing, Tiff. And thank you for sharing. I think that you brought so many pieces to light. As you were talking, I was like, gosh, that's so much like what you hear of people who have near death experiences and how they really become... And I feel all of us have some life experience where we have a choice. Every day we have a choice to determine are we gonna see the beauty in this, are we going to become more resentful? All of those things are choices.

0:10:45.4 KD: And so I just love that you shared about that. Because again, it's really easy to yourself up, it's really easy to have external... And something I think I've watched as a friend as a boss, as a colleague with you, is I watched you really evolve from needing external validation, to really being able to own it internally. And in doing so, I've also watched your confidence rise.

0:11:07.7 KD: I think when we were first starting out as consultants, we both needed a lot of validation, we had no clue what we were doing, but now to watch you and to see that your confidence has grown and you really can own when things don't go well as well. So thinking of team members, thinking of offices, things to relate your life to their life, I watch and it's like when you can actually have that internal validation, when you can truly love yourself, when you can wake up every day like you said.

0:11:33.6 KD: I remember Tiff, you did a post, and I don't know if you remember this, but you said, "Can you look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself that you love yourself and that you find yourself... Tell yourself that you're attractive? And I was like, "Well, it depends on if my hair is done right or if my make up is put on."

0:11:49.6 KD: And it was like, "No. Can you look at the good and the bad of what you see in yourself and love all of it?" And it's interesting as a friend, as a colleague, watching you, to see you go from this person who really did learn to be your biggest raving fan, to become that person who, it doesn't matter if the cheer is cheering for you, 'cause you're cheering for yourself no matter what is going on.

0:12:13.2 KD: That confidence has spilled over, and I think it's made you... For me, what I've seen is you are so much more confident in who you are as a person, but in addition to that, 'cause I think we all think that that's going to come, I've actually watched you take more ownership of your life and of your role, more than I've ever seen you.

0:12:28.4 KD: And I think it's because you're not sitting there trying to validate or have me validate your role, you can actually say, "You know what?" We just had this experience a couple of weeks ago, and you owned it and you were like, "Kiera, I'm real sorry, I should have done this, this, this, and I'm gonna go take care of this."

0:12:43.5 KD: I watched you just grow. And I don't know if you've noticed that too, and I don't know if they're correlated, to me I kind of think that they are correlated, but I feel like that's what I've watched you evolve. And I think that that's why I wanted to put this out there of like, if we can love all of us, we're gonna show up with more confidence, but also more ownership to be able to fix the areas that we wanna fix. Does that resonate with you? Do you agree?

0:13:04.4 ST: Yeah.

0:13:04.8 KD: 'Cause that's kind of what I've seen. But again, it could just be me looking through my own my own filter over here and not being aligned.

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0:13:12.5 KD: If you know me, you know that I am obsessed with our Dental A Team Podcast family, and because of that, guys, I wanna give you guys a little bit of love for this season. So from today, Valentine's Day, all the way through March, I am giving our podcast family sneak peak access to Dental A Team's virtual summit, April 28th and 29th.

0:13:35.8 KD: You guys, this year we are doing secrets of the multi-million dollar practice. Full team, nine hours of CE. It is going to be explosively epic, amazing. You guys, you are not going to wanna miss this. Full team day on Friday, where we're going to go through true practice life examples, case acceptance, your gap on your systems and how you can fix it, from a full team's perspective. Plus I'm bringing in lots of offices that are truly going to come here and teach you guys exactly what they do.

0:14:02.7 KD: Saturday is going to be full leadership. You got it. I'm bringing in the best of the best. Popular, proficient, amazing CEOs who are going to come tell you exactly what they do day in and day out, from hospitality to their ways that they're going to structure their lives, to how to make an incredible associate. You guys, the speaker line up is top notch.

0:14:22.8 KD: So right now, head on over to thedentalateam.comsummit2023, read up all of our speakers and use podcast code "love 2023" and you guys are gonna get early access. Tickets are not going on sale until March 6. So from today until March 6, guys, you have early access and we are only saving 50 spots at this price point. So go sign up today, thedentalateam.comsummit2023, coupon code "love 2023", and I will see you at summit, April 28th and 29th.

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0:14:58.8 ST: No, I agree. And I do remember that post. It's funny that you say that. 'Cause I forgot about it until you said it and then... Yeah, that post was really cool and it was something that I did for, first I'll talk... 'Cause that's a tactical piece, that's something that I did, but I forgot that I did it.

0:15:14.5 ST: So I did it for, gosh, probably two weeks or something, maybe three weeks, it's supposed to be much longer, but I forget that I'm supposed to be doing things.

[laughter]

0:15:20.8 ST: So for a couple weeks I would wake up, and the whole theory behind it, I had read something that was like, if you can wake up and look yourself in the mirror, totally in your rawest moment, so just straight out of the shower, you're staring at yourself in the mirror, and in that raw form we tend to look for all of the things that we dislike, what do we need to fix about our bodies, what do we pay about our bodies, and it's really easy to look in the mirror and find all of those pieces.

0:15:46.3 ST: But if you can jump straight to the shower, go straight to the mirror, and for, they say start small, so it's 30 seconds, it's a minute, and get up to five, 10 minutes where you can just be with yourself in the mirror and look for things that you love. And just stare at yourself and literally, the energy of love, you can pour that out into whomever you want to.

0:16:09.0 ST: And if you can look yourself in the mirror and for that energy out into yourself and find the things that you can love and the reasons that you love them, it totally changes you. And I totally agree, and I'm so glad you brought that post up 'cause I forgot. So tactical piece there.

0:16:24.0 ST: But then aside from that too, I think another actually tactical piece is that I think that... It can go two ways. I think you can think, "I have to be confident enough to take the ownership, right? And I have to be confident enough to be the leader. So until I get my confidence up, until this... " We have a, our society is like, "Until this, I'm not ready until I do this." Or, "It's not gonna be good enough until this." And it doesn't have to be "until this".

0:17:02.5 ST: And I honestly think that I've definitely become more confident and more independent in the last three years for quite a few reasons, and really just seeing what I've been able to accomplish on my own as a single mum, and really just in this position and the things... Like traveling by myself, just even that alone, there's so many things that have been contributing to me seeing that independence and confidence.

0:17:12.8 ST: But really, I have to be truthful and honest, and I think that whether I'm in a space of confidence or not, taking the ownership of those pieces in and out of the workplace, in my personal life or in my work life, taking the ownership is actually what's built the confidence. So I think, you said a few times over the last six months, it just feels different.

0:17:36.9 ST: I don't know what changed for me six months ago either necessarily, like what flipped, but something did, and I think the ownership piece is what's pushing my confidence. Because if I can sit and say, "You know what? Actually, I see how that was me." And obviously, there's outside contributors and you can always find those, but if you can find the space where you're like, "This is where I lacked control that I should have had over the situation, and I didn't do what I should have done," it actually makes you more confident.

0:18:07.7 ST: And that's where the self-love comes in, 'cause the lack of confidence then spins you to say like, "What's wrong with me? Why am I not happy with me? What could I do better? Where can I be better?" And that's a place of growth, but if it's not coming from a space of confident growth, it's coming from a place of lack.

0:18:29.8 ST: And always pushing for more learning, growing, from a space of lack is because... It's because there's something wrong with you. You think there's something wrong with you. So always growing and pushing and doing those things from a space of lack, is yourself that you're not worthy yet.

0:18:49.6 ST: But if you can push and grow and build from a place of confidence, of like, "I love who I am and I can't wait to see the next version of myself," that's loving yourself. And I think we get stuck in that space of growth. I was just talking to a friend yesterday, and I'm like, "Girl, maybe take inventory of the things that you've done really well already, before you try to learn how to 'fix' this space that you feel like you're broken in."

0:19:17.2 ST: "You're doing so many things right that you're not acknowledging, you're just pushing to fix this next space. And maybe you don't need to be fixed, maybe you need to see who you are right now, love her, and then grow into that next space when you're ready."

0:19:34.9 KD: And also from a space of love, right? I really love that you talked about coming from a space of lack and trying to fix these things because I'm broken or I don't have these things, rather than like I love myself and I wanna try and create these pieces. And I felt that there's a massive different energy and momentum between the two.

0:19:53.4 KD: So thinking about an office, taking this to your guys' practices of, "Okay, we might wanna grow to X number, but yeah, why are we doing this? Is it 'cause we're broken?" No, we wanna grow to help and serve more patients, that's why your team builds this momentum. Because they're excited, they wanna serve more patients.

0:20:13.1 KD: Just throwing a number up there usually doesn't motivate many people, but serving more patients, being able to help. Like why do we go to CE? Because we wanna expand our services to serve our patients. But why don't we do that for ourselves? I really love how you said that, Tiff, of like, let's do this not because we're broken, but because we love ourselves so much that this is the next version that we want to become. Again, because we love ourselves so much. I think that that's a curiosity state, I think that that's a playful state, that's a fun state.

0:20:41.5 KD: And so I just really wanted to have Tiff on the podcast, one, I think Tiff is really talented at helping teams see themselves differently. Because let's just imagine for a second, and I think Tiff and I have actually been able to do this with each other so much, of, just imagine if your team became a place where people genuinely loved who they were.

0:21:00.6 KD: They were taking ownership because they love themselves. Not because they were broken, but because they love themselves and they wanted to become better owners. Which then leads to greater confidence, which leads to greater trust and communication. That team is a thriving team.

0:21:14.4 KD: And I actually think people look at Tiff and I and they look at our company, they're like, "How have you guys been able to do this?" A lot of it's from that. And I know there have been days that I've been like, "I'm harder on myself. I think in a lot of ways Tiff balances me out. I push Tiff, she balances me. We balance each other out."

0:21:29.2 KD: But I really think it's... I don't know why this is pressing on my heart for you guys so much, but I have this burning need to share with you guys that love compassion, kindness for each other and for ourselves, is paramount this year more than ever. And I don't know what it is, I don't know if we've just been hard on ourselves from the past, I don't know if it's I've taken the woo woo drug, but I don't think it's that.

0:21:52.1 KD: Because I do believe that when you come from a space of love, team members rise up higher. You are able to grow more because you're coming from love and its ease, rather than being because I'm broken and it's hard. It's coming from these places of management will be easier, delegation will be easier, growth of your practice will be easier. And it all stems from your internal why.

0:22:14.4 KD: And Tiff, I've watched you, I feel like life is just a dance for you every day, and you're happy and you're whimsical, but yet you're like, you can crack down and really hunker down and get things done. And so I just feel like if people wanna take this on, we've given you guys the tactical.

0:22:27.0 KD: Honestly, I'd feel highly uncomfortable looking at myself in the mirror for five minutes. I need to probably try this, and I'm gonna start baby steps like, let's do a quick one-second walk by. I surely definitely look in the mirror 'cause I'm like, "Let's get that shoulder fixed." But again, it's for fixing rather than being like, "Hey Kiera, I just love you, and you're my best friend and you're the person with."

0:22:47.6 KD: Because guys, at the end of the day, that person staring back at you in the mirror is the only person you get to do life with. They're it. That's the person who's with you today, tomorrow and forever. Like this is it. It's me, myself and I for the rest of my life. Yes I get to have friends, but they come and go. The only person that I'm ever gonna be with forever is myself.

0:23:07.1 KD: So if you can build that relationship, if you can build that love, just think of what you can give to other people? So I feel like it's really like there's tactical to it, but again, I think one, you've gotta want to. Tiff having that experience with her life. Because I have a little paper here on my computer and it says, "No matter what, decide to live in a beautiful state. Why wait until the final moments? Life is short. Live now."

0:23:30.4 KD: So why are we waiting? Why not live in love now? So Tiff, those are kind of my wrap-ups. Any last thoughts or ending parting wishes that you wanna share? Things that could make this tactical for teams or for people? 'Cause I think I'm on a people kick moreso than a team kick today.

0:23:44.7 ST: Girl, that is my life, so I am always with you on that. I think you pointed out some really great things, and I think one of the pieces that I'd like to just expand on for a second is really like you're the person, you're the only guaranteed person who's going to be in your life forever, no one else was guaranteed, nothing is guaranteed.

0:24:03.8 ST: And if you truly want to show up for other people, I think it's much easier for us to say, "I have to be this for this person," than it is for us to give ourselves ourselves. And just remember, it is impossible for you to show up as your whole self if you're not whole. It is impossible for you to show up for someone else, if you can't show up for yourself first. You will always, always be missing a piece that you could potentially show up for someone else.

0:24:35.1 ST: So if it's more important for you or if you're a mum especially, right? Or whatever, and aunty, and you're trying to show up for a kid, that's always the heart-wrenching one. I realised a long time ago, that in order to show up for Brody as the person I wanted to be, as the mum I wanted to be to him, I had to show up for me first. If I wasn't happy, there is no way on this green Earth that Brody would be healthy.

0:25:04.7 KD: I love that you took ownership up that. If I wanna do this, I've gotta show up. I need to love myself enough to face the facts, to see where I need to change or where I wanna change. And then Tiff, I think something that you haven't said today that you just... You and I just had a conversation about this, where you said, "I'm able to fulfill all of my needs and I'm not dependent on anybody else."

0:25:24.8 KD: And I feel that piece, when you truly can be the person who generates your happiness, who generates your love, who generates your motivation, then nothing could ever be stripped away from you. It does not matter where you go. I think this is from... You read about it with Holocaust survivors, like Viktor Frankl, he wrote about this, you could strip everything away from him, but you couldn't strip away his mindset and his attitude. And so I feel like it really is something of that.

0:25:51.6 KD: So Tiff, thank you for being on the podcast, thank you for sharing this, thank you for being in my life. And for all of you team members listening, and for doctors, I don't know what piece of this needs to resonate with you, but I would say number one, become your biggest raving fan.

0:26:04.2 KD: We're constantly looking and working to be patients and have raving fans, but what about yourself? If you took yourself out of this body and you saw how you treated yourself, you saw how you acted towards yourself, you saw how you treat other people, would you be a raving fan of that person? And if not, let's change that. And let's start internally and acknowledge and start to love those pieces of you and take ownership for where you wanna change and start to do it.

0:26:28.5 KD: So guys, as always, I appreciate you, I adore you. If Tiff and I can ever help and be a resource for you, or be a coach for you, or give your team these tips, 'cause we coach consulting and dentistry and all of that, but we also teach human. [chuckle] We teach you guys how to be human beings and how to grow and evolve as people.

0:26:47.7 KD: Because if you evolve as people and you will grow and have gratitude and ownership, the systems take care of themselves. They really do. It's shocking. People want the systems, right, Tiff?

0:26:56.4 ST: Yeah.

0:26:57.1 KD: And we're like, but we gotta build this accountability, integrity, and then the system will work. So if we can ever help with that, reach out, hello at thedentalateam.com. And Tiff, thanks for just being here, I super appreciate you.

0:27:07.9 ST: No, thank you. Thanks for letting me do what fills my soul. Adding to what I've already experienced this week has been fantastic, so thank you for having me.

0:27:18.1 KD: Of course. Alright, for all of you listening, as always, thanks for listening and we'll catch you next time on the Dental A Team Podcast.

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0:27:27.1 KD: And that wraps it up for another episode of the Dental A Team Podcast. Thank you so much for listening and we'll talk to you next time.

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