Episode 711: The Four Agreements (in the Workplace)

 Welcome back to Dental A-Team Book Club! In this episode, Kiera’s reviewing The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz. She talks about the themes touched on in this book and how they can shape each of us — personally and professionally.

Check out the full list of DAT’s 2023 book club here.

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Transcript:

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0:00:05.8 Kiera Dent: Hey everyone, welcome to the Dental A Team Podcast. I'm your host, Kiera Dent. And I had this crazy idea that maybe I could combine a doctor and a team member's perspective, because let's face it, dentistry can be a challenging profession with those two perspectives. I've been a dental assistant, treatment coordinator, scheduler, filler, office manager, regional manager, practice owner, and I have a team of traveling consultants, where we have traveled over 165 different offices coaching teams. Yep, we don't just understand you, we are you. Our mission is to positively impact the world of dental, and I believe that this podcast is the greatest way I can help elevate teams, grow VIP experiences, reduce stress, and create A teams. Welcome to the Dental A Team Podcast.

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0:00:50.8 KD: Hello, Dental A Team listeners. This is Kiera. And you guys, oh my goodness, I hope today is just an incredible day for you. I hope that you're just enjoying your life. I was thinking about this this morning as I was getting ready to podcast, and I thought about how lucky are we to be living the lives we're living. And for us to think about... You once dreamed about this life. You once said, "This is the life I wanna live." And now you're actually living it. So I hope all of you are just remembering like the life you once dreamed about is a life you're living today. And how amazing is that, that you can now live any life you've ever dreamed of, you can do the things that you've always wanted to do. And I know that sounds very cliche, but it's also real. And it's also true. And it's also something that you can actually do. And so I hope you guys are just enjoying that. I hope you're realising how incredible it is that you created your own reality, you made this a reality, you decided that this was the life you wanted to live, and now you're living it. So I hope you just remember that, I hope that you take that in today. And as we're getting ready to get started, thank you all for your reviews. Thank you for making Dental A Team one of the top-listened-to podcasts in the dental industry.

0:02:00.5 KD: You guys, that was the dream. That was the dream, to make Dental A Team Podcast something that inspired, transformed and made you guys's lives that much better positively, tactically, practically. So if you haven't left us a review, please head on over wherever you're listening and leave those five stars and share this with someone. Whether that's on Instagram, on TikTok, on social, be sure to share this, because that's the way we're able to positively impact the world of dentistry in the greatest way possible. So with that, welcome to Dental A Team Book Club, you guys. I have been loving this. I feel like my soul has been enriched. And this was a book that I love. It's The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. And it's very short. And it might challenge your beliefs. I referred it to my sister, who's a brand new mama. She had a baby, and I was just listening to it and it talked about a lot of parenting and a lot of ways of... Starts out saying that we're living in a dream, and that dream has been here through society, and we've been programmed to believe and to become who we are.

0:03:01.7 KD: And I thought about my little sister and how she oftentimes doesn't feel like she's a good enough mom or she doesn't know how to raise this brand new baby, and I thought those inadequacies that she's feeling, which are completely unfounded, I told her, I'm like, "Innately, you know how to be a mom. And this baby is your baby, and you just know how to be that incredible mom." But yet she feels so inadequate, and I thought, How many of us feel inadequate in our jobs, in our professions? I know me as an office manager, I used to think, "Why me? I'm not even good enough to do this." Then as a business owner, I thought, "I don't even know how to do this. I truly don't know how to be a business owner. I don't know how to make this happen. I don't know how to run a practice. I don't know how to do all the different things we're expected to do."

0:03:44.0 KD: And this book, the reason I like it is because it helps you challenge those beliefs. And it says like, Are you going to wake up and start living? So in quick summary... And again, if you guys wanna do this as a book club with your team, the way our team does it is we set it aside. So ours is the third Monday of every single month. It's a book... It's not mandatory. If people want to, is if they want to expand and evolve. And then we have a book club on company time. We usually runs for an hour. Shout out to our no-BS Brit, one of our awesome consultants in operations. She runs them, and she creates some questions. And really, it's just a no-judgment time for us to just connect as a team, to connect as people, and to just expand and to think about things differently. So that's how we run ours.

0:04:28.8 KD: I've got some questions for you guys that you guys can ask as well. But really, the point is, I love book clubs in our company because I am constantly obsessed with our team innovating and becoming better versions of themselves. And I feel like there's so much wisdom in books around us. Why not learn from the best minds? Why not learn from people that challenge our beliefs and make us question what we're doing and why? And why not do that in a team setting to where then if we can challenge our beliefs, if we can listen to other people's opinions, how much more likely are we to do that within our practice? Within challenging and questioning, why are we doing these things? How could we make a better patient experience? How could we do some of these things differently? And so for you guys really truly looking at this and asking yourselves these questions is why we run book club. So if that's helpful for you, if the podcast is just here to expand your mind, and today, it's really about the four agreements that we make with ourselves and how to live a more free life.

0:05:25.1 KD: So I'll give you guys a quick synopsis. It's a very short read. Highly recommend. My little sister said it makes her question everything she's ever believed in her life. I did the same thing my first time reading it. But the more I read it, the more I realise I wanna be living my life. I wanna be living my dream. I wanna be living Kiera's version of her life, not the version that I feel society wants me to live. Not saying that society is wrong, but just saying, choose the things intentionally rather than secondary, because that's how you were raised. So just there's four agreements. The first agreement is, Be impeccable with your word. The second is, Don't take anything personally. The third is, Don't make assumptions. And the fourth is, Always do your best.

0:06:07.4 KD: So we'll start with the first agreement, and it's, Be impeccable with your word. And this is something I am just so profoundly bought into. [chuckle] Someone once told me, "Kiera, if you can own your word to yourself and to other people, then you will have more confidence." And it's something that I didn't believe, so I tested and found that to be true. So this is really like talking about integrity and using our word in a positive and truthful manner. It encourages us to avoid gossip, to be authentic, and to express ourselves honestly and kindly. By being impeccable with your word, you can create trust, build strong relationships, and bring harmony into your life. And I thought about this, like if you took this agreement to the workplace into your practice, how much different would your team run if all of us could live by being impeccable with our word? Something to think about, something to consider, something to ask yourself, "How am I am being impeccable with my word? Do I follow through on what I say I'm going to do? Am I truthful on the words I say? If I tell myself I'm going to work out in the morning, do I do that? If I tell myself I'm gonna go to bed by 9:00, do I do that or do I allow all these other justifications and excuses to take place?"

0:07:15.8 KD: Again, no judgment, but a question for you to really consider, to think about and to ask yourself, because in doing that, you are then able to morph into someone that knows that no matter what you say you'll do, you'll follow through. And I think that conditioning, that training, that teaching yourself is a skill set that a lot of us lack. It's one of those things where when we're afraid, do we say, "Three, two, one, go," and execute, or do we sit here and excuse and justify because we don't actually have truth and confidence in ourselves? It's a question for you to answer and a question for you to think about within your practice.

0:07:53.6 KD: The second one is, Don't take anything personally. And this agreement suggests that you shouldn't take things personally of what others say or do. It's a projection of their own reality and not a reflection of your worth. I'll say that again, it's, what others say or do is a projection of their own reality and not a reflection of your worth. By not taking things personally, you can free yourself from unnecessary suffering caused by the opinions and actions of others. Instead, you can choose to respond with love and understanding. And this one was really interesting in the book because it talked about how a little girl loved to sing, and then one time someone told her that she had a terrible voice and she stopped singing. Well, that was taking that personally as opposed to really believing and listening and sitting here and asking herself, "Why? And am I actually gonna listen to other people or am I going to live my own life?" And so really, by you just loving other people, you're responding with love and understanding, but you're not allowing other people's opinions to influence you. And realising mean things, critic things, that's just a reflection of other people's own reality.

0:08:56.1 KD: Also for you to think about, when I'm projecting hatred or mean things or gossip, that's also a reflection of my own reality. And I know the first time I heard this principal, I thought, "Yeah, right. That's ridiculous. I don't actually believe in that." But the more I've looked at, the more I've thought about, the more I realise I can only say things if I believe them. And it's a hard reality, but if we can break this ourselves, we become more loving as people, we become better spouses, relationships, siblings, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, we become better co-workers, because we're not taking things personally, we're not spewing out our own disgust on other people, and we're realising that whatever I project on other people is just a reflection of who I am, so therefore, I can change it. So the second one is, Don't take anything personally.

0:09:48.0 KD: The third is, Don't make assumptions. And this agreement advises against making assumptions about other's thoughts, feelings or intentions. It encourages you to ask questions and communicate clearly to avoid misunderstanding and unnecessary conflict. By not making assumptions, you can cultivate better relationships, improve your understanding of others and avoid unnecessary drama and conflict. And I thought, what is such an unfair but true rumour in dental offices, is the drama. And so with this, not making assumptions, I really loved this agreement because I thought about, in real life, how many times do we not choose to communicate and ask for clarity and instead go off of unnecessary assumptions that lead to negativity and broken hearts and broken relationships and frustration, to leaving jobs, to moving, because we didn't take the time to get clarity. We didn't take the time to not make an assumption.

0:10:43.8 KD: So thinking about assumptions we have in our life, assumptions that we have, that people think about us, assumptions we have about family members, assumptions we have about all these different things. And by not making those assumptions, having true communication, so instead of living by assumptions, we're living by truth, how much more free would you be? But that takes effort. That takes skill. That takes having uncomfortable conversations. But it also allows you to be free. So thinking about our lives and how much of our life are we living based on assumptions that we have, how many times are we not willing to say something for the assumption that they're going to say something negative to us, and so we just don't say anything? How many times do team members not speak up in team meetings because of the assumption that they don't matter, that their opinion doesn't matter, they're not on leadership? That's just an assumption, and we didn't actually clarify and communicate, and therefore, we live in that. We have drama, we have conflicts, not because of reality, but because of assumed reality. So how to not make those assumptions. Again, these four agreements aren't easy, but they're a different way of living, it's a different way of being, it's a different way of having life, and one that I think could be way more freeing if you choose that.

0:11:56.4 KD: So the last agreement they say is, Always do your best. And this one was probably my favourite of all of them this round of reading it. I think every time I read it, I'm in a different space in my life, and so different agreements will speak to me. But this, Always do your best, was an agreement that spoke to me so much because it says, This agreement emphasises the importance of giving your best effort in everything you do regardless of the circumstances. It acknowledges that your best may vary from moment to moment, but the key is to always strive for personal growth and improvement. By doing your best, you can avoid self-judgment and regret, and you can live with a sense of fulfillment and inner peace. A sense of fulfillment and inner peace. I have been on a journey trying to dispel, de-myth, debunk, what fulfillment really is, because I hear lots of different versions of it, just like I hear lots of different versions of what success really is. And the answer is, always do your best.

0:12:50.3 KD: And I loved this because always doing your best doesn't mean it looks the same. And when I heard that, I thought about, sometimes you're exhausted, but you do your best. And it doesn't mean I'm giving 110%, it means in this moment, I did my best based on how tired I was, based on my energy without making justification for yourself. You say, "No, I did my best," and you leave it at that. You don't say, "I could have done better, I could have done this, I could have been that." That's the self-judgment, that's the regret. That's how we live with a sense of fulfillment and inner peace, potentially. But thinking about this, if I could stop the self-judgment, the regret, the inner turmoil internally of, "Kiera, you didn't do good enough at this, Kiera, you know you could have done better, Kiera, you know that you could have have put on a better podcast, you know you could do better on your coaching calls," that is an inner critic that could serve a purpose, but also what about having the inner voice saying, "No, I did my best." I always do my best. I don't have to look back and wonder, "Could I have done better?" No, because I did my best. And I can allow myself to have that peace knowing, again, I love the line where it says it may vary from moment to moment. Moment to moment. Not day to day, not hour by hour, moment to moment where you did your best.

0:14:06.9 KD: We sometimes have conversations that don't turn out exactly how we had planned, but that doesn't mean that wasn't our best, it means we did our best. By living by these four agreements, you can find freedom in life. That's why I loved it. So be impeccable with your word, don't take anything personally, don't make assumptions, and always do your best. And so this is just a very interesting thing. Our team went through, principles they would have is Make a move, don't be afraid to make a mistake, treat everyone with the same level of respect, speak good words to yourself, which I think is... I think that that's also being impeccable with your word, and just thinking about like, "Does this align with our culture? How does this apply to consulting for us?" And for us, we took it like, how could this apply to your dental practice? How can this apply to your position as dental assistants or hygienists or treatment coordinators, your billers, your office managers? How does this align with your position? What are some real life examples of this? What are the things that hold us back from utilising these principles? And this is interesting, 'cause our team came up with being judged, internal dialogue and discredit the success are reasons that we don't actually utilise these principles.

0:15:19.3 KD: And So just a couple of questions that we have around there, there's lots of them for that, and I'll just give you guys a couple of like, which of these four agreements resonate with you the most and why. In your opinion, why is being impeccable with your word such a crucial agreement? The agreement, I'm not taking anything personally, can be a challenge in practice. How do you think this agreement can contribute to developing emotional resilience and maintaining healthy boundaries? What about making assumptions is a common human tendency? Can you share an example from your own life or making assumptions led to misunderstandings or conflicts? This agreement, to always do your best, acknowledges that our best effort may vary. How do you define doing your best in different areas of your life? How does this agreement relate to self-compassion and avoiding self-judgment? So there's lots of different ones through there, but I just think that this one is one where they suggested putting these four agreements on your wall, and really make an agreement with yourself that I am going to do these four agreements of being impeccable with my word, not taking anything personally, not making assumptions, and always doing my best.

0:16:19.5 KD: And again, this came from, I think it's the Toltec Civilisation, and they were ancient pre-Columbian culture that flourished in Central Mexico from the 10th to 12th century. And so the Tol can refer to both the historical civilisation and to the spiritual and philosophical traditions associated with it. So these are typically people that are skilled, architects and warriors, they were known for their sophisticated cities, such as Tula, and the influence extended to various regions all across Mesoamerica. So it's just an interesting thing. In the spiritual and philosophical contexts, that was preserved through oral tradition and passed down through generations. And so it's just an interesting thing to think about. This is a culture, this is a way of life for certain people, and I just love in there, they said, you're living a dream, and are you gonna wake up from this dream? They said, We know we make these assumptions, we become a good girl, a good boy, a bad girl, bad Boy, based on society standards and norms, but when did we start agreeing to this, and could we start having different agreements in our life and living a very different life? So my question to you is, which agreement did you resonate with? Which agreement do you think if you could implement could change your life or your practice for the better? And which one of these agreements do you wanna start being more of?

0:17:40.0 KD: Do you wanna start living a more free life? Do you wanna start living a more... Like, not having to always be a critic internally, not always having to live by assumptions, not having things where we constantly take them personally and live within these guarded walls and being impeccable with our word to ourself and to others, what kind of a life would that be for you? How would that be if you could live like that is my question. So that was our book club for this month. Be sure to join us next month if you guys want. Oh, it's one of my favourite books, trigger warning. It is a Holocaust survivor book. So I just wanna put that out there. If that's something that triggers you... Maybe it's a good book for you to avoid, but if it's something that you guys are open to finding out how to be the happiest person on earth, definitely a book I recommend. It's called The Happiest Man on Earth by Eddie Jaku.

0:18:27.9 KD: Every person I recommended this to has come back saying that this is one of their top favourite books. For me, definitely in my top, probably two favourite books of my entire life, if not my first. So definitely a book. I hope you guys join us next month for it. I hope you are doing these book clubs. And if you have a book that has changed your life or resonated, changed your practice, send it on over. I'm getting ready to make 2024's book club with Dental A Team. We'll see if 2024 I decide to do book clubs for you. I need the feedback. So be sure to email me, [email protected]. And as always, guys, go live your best life, make the agreements with yourself that you wanna live by, make sure that you're living your version of your life, make sure that you are living your dream of a life and not the life you think others want you to live. And with that, guys, thanks for listening, and I'll catch you next time on The Dental A Team Podcast.

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0:19:17.9 KD: And that wraps it up for another episode of The Dental A Team Podcast. Thank you so much for listening, and we'll talk to you next time.

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