Episode 568: A Solution for Chaos

 This episode is for those who can’t seem to catch a break no matter how hard they try. Kiera shares her personal experiences from this past year that have brought chaos into her life, and how she found a way to take a moment and be still.

Remember: Life is happening for you and now to you.

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Transcript:

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0:00:06.5 Kiera Dent: Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Dental A-Team podcast. I'm your host, Kiera Dent, and I have this crazy idea that maybe I could combine a doctor and a team member's perspective, because let's face it, dentistry can be a challenging profession with those two perspectives. I've been a dental assistant, treatment coordinator, scheduler, filler, office manager, regional manager, practice owner, and I have a team of traveling consultants where we have traveled to over 165 different offices coaching teams. Yep, we don't just understand you, we are you. Our mission is to positively impact the world of dental, and I believe that this podcast is the greatest way I could help elevate teams, grow VIP experiences, reduce stress, and create A-teams. Welcome to the Dental A-Team podcast.

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0:00:52.2 KD: Hello, Dental A-Team listeners. This is Kiera, and you guys, I hope you're having an epic, epic, epic day today. I hope you're rocking it out, and I hope that you are just having a fantastic day wherever you are. With that guys, today is a pretty great day for me. I feel like my life was pure chaos for the last couple of months. Like guys, I'm not kidding, it was banana town, and I just felt stressed. [laughter] I felt chaotic. I felt like, what the heck am I doing? I felt like I don't really wanna do this. [laughter] Do you guys ever get that way, or is this just me? If any of you ever feel this way, email me, [email protected]. I feel like this year, so 2022, I think that's what year we're in. I'm pretty sure. [laughter] I don't even know. I feel like it just started off chaotic.

0:01:46.5 KD: We were stuck in December. So December, if you guys remember, I got COVID and I was stuck on the east coast. [chuckle] Guys, sometimes I giggle at my life because I just think like, "Is this really my real life?" I feel like sometimes I'm just watching a movie. But no, this is my real life. I got COVID and I was stuck in a hotel in New York. My family lives in California, in Reno. So I was stuck completely on the opposite side of the country from them. That's a far distance in case any of you are wondering, it's a very long drive. And with COVID, I got a pretty radical rendition of it and was so foggy in the head. I couldn't even see straight. I wouldn't even talk on the phone. I just laid in bed all day long, and I watched White Collar, because I think Matt Bomer is super hot, guys.

0:02:28.7 KD: That's truthfully what I did all during COVID. Then I flew home. It was Christmas. My family didn't know if they wanted to see me for Christmas, which is totally fair. I'd just gotten over COVID. We ended up going to see my parents for Christmas, and the pass between Reno and California actually got shut down due to snow. So that meant I ended up having to convince Tesla to sell me my car in California because I had to buy it by the end of the year, and I couldn't get over the pass to Reno, and my Tesla wasn't getting over the pass to Reno. And so I ended up buying that. But then I felt like New Year's day, holy cow, I don't know what happened, but by the time I started to work, I felt two weeks behind, even though I felt prepared to start into 2022.

0:03:16.7 KD: And I usually like to kick my years off really strong, but gosh, it just felt like I was behind. Then in February, I got a pocket listing of my dream house in Florida on the ocean. So Jason and I flew out there. We put an offer on this house. We got it accepted, and then we realized... Do any of you guys do this? I think I'm the girl who jumps before I look to see if my parachute's there. And we realized, this house is ideal and awesome and perfect as it was, Jason, my husband, wouldn't have had a fulfilling career. And I just felt this gut wrenching sorrow this year of it's everything I wanted. Like I have literally dreamed of this place guys for the last four years, like dreamed of living on the street, in this neighborhood. I was four or five doors down from one of my best friends.

0:04:07.8 KD: So ecstatic that my dream reality was coming into existence, and it was a pocket listing. I wasn't even expecting this to happen. So we turned that down. Am I depressed for legitimately two to three weeks? I just felt like, what the heck am I doing? Why am I working? Then we start IVF. So I started IVF at the end of March. IVF, guys, if you haven't been a part of it, just hug any person who tells you they're going through IVF. I never realized what true heartbreak was until the day the doctors called me and said, "Kiera, none of your eggs made it." And I will probably cry because it just ripped me in half, to feel like that dream and that goal, and I was like, "What's wrong with me? Why can't I be a mom? Why am I not good enough? Why is my body broken?" And don't worry, that was a few days right before summit. So then I'm in summit for Dental A Team, which was so fun. And I'm trying to put on this amazing summit. My heart is broken and I'm dealing with IVF while trying to put on summit. [laughter] And summit was amazing. Our team did so good.

0:05:14.2 KD: But mind you, right before summit happened, my team was trying to fly into Reno and they couldn't land. So I'm panicking. Summit's supposed to start the next day. My team is rerouted over into California. And again guys, guess what's happening, there's a huge snowstorm between Sacramento and Reno and my poor team, who's all from Arizona, is having to drive through a winter blizzard snow advisory. They're shutting it down. They have to get chains. It was outta control crazy. That's April. Then in May, I don't even remember what happened in May. Something happened in May. I can't even remember what happened. Oh, we had turnover. I lost two team members in May. And then June came, and June was just crazy because, instantly, we realized we were closing on our house July 7th, and we had to get to the... I had to get all offices seen because I started IVF in July as well again. This year has felt absolutely batshiz, with a Z, crazy. I have felt psycho. I have felt chaotic. I have felt like I'm trying to push for dreams that are just not coming into fruition.

0:06:25.4 KD: And you guys might be like, "Kiera, why the heck are you telling us your life?" The reason I'm telling you all of this, I don't need the sympathy cards, guys. I'm doing all right over here. Is because I feel like, what do you do when you feel like you're pushing and working so hard, and yet nothing feels like it's falling into place? What do you do? What the heck do you do? And my answer for you is you stop. You stop trying, because I don't believe that there's such a thing as trying. Guys, I'm a GSDer. I'm a mover. I'm a shaker, but when things are that hard, guys, I also... Oh yeah, that's what happened in May. I put an offer on a house in Arizona, because, you guys, I'm freaking scared of buying a house in Reno 'cause I don't wanna be stuck in Reno for the rest of my life. Reno's great, guys. If you live in Reno or you're from Reno, I'm not ragging on you. It's just not my... It doesn't feel like home to me. [chuckle] Nevada does not mean home to Kiera. But I actually put an offer on a house in Arizona and we got it in contract, and again, just did not quite feel right. So guys, within a six month period, I have won two offers in two different states on two different homes and gone into contract. I've closed on a house. I've had a failed IVF cycle.

0:07:37.1 KD: We've been trying to get pregnant. We've been trying to buy a house. We've been trying to move to another state. We've been trying to freaking hire. And what happens when you're trying all these things and nothing is working? The answer is to stop, to be still and to become present. I reached out to a coach. So guys, we do dental consulting. We also do life coaching, [laughter] all blended into one. And I reached out to my personal coach and I said, "Calen, I need help. I don't know what's happening. I need help. I don't... Like nothing... Every... " It felt like every golf ball I was hitting would not drop. Like my putts would not drop. Nothing, and it didn't matter. I would get so close and miss. So close and miss. This Florida house, so close and missed. This Arizona house, so close and missed. IVF, so close and missed. Hiring people, so close and missed. Losing team members, so close, missed. And I said, "Calen, what the heck am I supposed to do?" And she said, "Kiera, right now you're spinning like a top, and what you need to do is you need to create Zen space. You're so close to all your things and you're forcing things to try and work, and none of them are working because none of them are right because you're trying to force things when things should be easy and flow."

0:08:54.8 KD: And I've thought about this a lot guys. So I actually reached out to Calen in May and I was like, "Girl, I'm in like depressed mode. Nothing feels like it's going my way." So I wanna point out a couple of things. Number one, we have to remember that when nothing feels like it's going your way, everything is actually going your way. You just might not be able to see it today. I remember sitting in my office, pitch black, crying my eyes out, feeling like my life like... Guys, I know I sound like princess problems over here for some of you. This is my real life and I'm not going to minimize it because your real life is yours, nor should you minimize that. For me, it felt earth shattering. I don't wanna live in Reno, and every time guys, and I did not passively try. I'm talking actively flying to different states, putting offers on homes, getting our interest rates. Guys when interest rates have gone high, somehow I was miraculously able without having to buy it down, get crazy unknown interest rates from these lenders. I don't know how it happened, guys, like truth be told. And yet that still wouldn't work. So I was thinking, I remember in my office that night, feeling like everything was over and I had the thought come to me guys.

0:10:08.7 KD: This is Tony Robbins quote that literally has saved me from the ashes of my life in, several years ago. And this quote just like shot into my brain, "Kiera, life is happening for you, not to you." And I really thought about that. Like if I truly do believe that everything, even when all these doors feel like they're freaking slamming shut in my face, for me, this is stuff like, guys I'm motivated by rewards. I will work and hustle and grind to get to certain things, like I love winning. I love it so much guys. And for me getting a house in a different state like that was winning and I kept losing.

0:10:46.2 KD: Are you guys sick of trying to figure it out on your own? I know I am. When I'm trying to run a business, sometimes I just think like there's got to be a better way to do this. And so for me, my answer has been to find someone who's done it, and does it really, really, really well, like I'm talking the best of the best of the best. I want someone who's been in my shoes. Somebody who understands what I'm going through. When I was looking for the consulting business, I found a coach who literally has run a consulting business. Well that seems like the perfect fit. So you guys right now, we have a few spaces open in our platinum consulting that is in the consulting where we actually come to your practice. We help you get systems implemented. We don't just tell you what systems to implement. We actually implement them with you and for you.

0:11:31.0 KD: Guys, it is one of the best investments I have ever made is to hire a coach who understands the business I'm in, who's lived it, who's done it. And that's what we in the Dental-A Team do. We literally physically fly to you. So if you're sick of trying to figure it out on your own, if you just want somebody who understands you, join our platinum. I'd love to have you, I'd love to have our consulting team come out and see you, be in your office, be with your team and truly help you get onto the easy path of dentistry. It doesn't have to be hard. So join us in the platinum, we'd love to have you.

0:12:06.5 KD: But yet what if, when all these doors feel like they're slamming in your face, whatever doors you feel like are slamming in your face, what if you truly could believe that all of those were happening for you? During these times, people ask, 'cause you're thinking of like, "What happens when you're losing team members and your productions down and we're about to fall into a recession, and if we're not technically already there, and I'm terrified about these things." And maybe you're not here today, and that's great, pin this for when you are here. Because guess what? It's gonna come. It's an ebb and flow and that's how life works. What do we do during these moments? And the answer is we stop. We stop trying to force things. We stop trying to make things happen because I don't believe that we actually make anything happen, I believe we've got a GSD, we need to be the instrument in the boat that drives, but I believe that things happen, and I truly do believe that things can happen with ease. So when things don't feel easy and they're not flowing guys, stop, stop trying, get into a centered space and sit back and observe.

0:13:08.9 KD: That is like for me, every ounce of me was like throw up when I think about like, Okay, just stop. Because I know I'm a fixer, I'm gonna fix this, there's a solution, I know there's a solution. And I just need to find it, and if I did work harder and harder and harder, it'll be there. False. At that point, you're just a spinning top inside of a forest, and you can't get outside of it to see what really needs to happen. And so we need to stop, we need to possibly call in a coach that can give us that awesome view, 'cause we can only see three feet in front of us. Maybe not even that, maybe like 3 inches or 3 centimeters or 3 millimeters. We stop, we stop trying, and we say, "You know what life, I believe everything is happening for me and not to me, and I'm gonna start to watch to see what magic is being concocted behind the scenes." This takes pure discipline. This is where you stop and you wait and you become patient, 'cause there's a season to GSD and work hard and grind it out and make things happen, and there's a season to stop and be still, and when every door feels like it's slamming in your face, stop, stop and get yourself back on the charger.

0:14:18.2 KD: A cell phone does not run forever, a cell phone has stopped time where it charges, cars have to fill up with gas, they've gotta go in for maintenance, they've gotta charge. Houses require maintenance, trees require water and sunlight, they grow and they die, they have seasons of quiet and they have seasons of bloom. I think as humans, we've forgotten that we also have seasons in life. Right now, guys it's freaking winter on Kiera Dental, [laughter] like snow storm, I'm sitting in winter and I need to be in hibernation right now and slow down, internalize and just be still. Right now is not the time for me to be going and slaying. Clearly, life has shown me for the last seven months like, "Stop Kiera, just stop." And for those of type A personalities which most of us are, that feels not practically impossible, but that is the season of slow down, look inward and be patient, prioritize what really needs to happen, and watch and see how much actually gets done with minimal effort. It's crazy 'cause... Guys and I'm speaking from not hocus pocus, but legit myself. So when Calen, my coach is chatting with me, she's like, "Kiera you need to have wide zen space." So I started calling it my CEO day. I have a day every week blocked off for CEO day. Guys, I do nothing, legit nothing, and there's a piece of me that sometimes feels radically guilty for doing nothing.

0:15:54.3 KD: However, Calen pointed out to me, she said, "Kiera, when do your best ideas come to you?" The podcast came to me when I was hiking Half Dome in Yosemite. The idea for Dental A Team came for me when I was flying home from visiting family, and I was up in Alaska looking at the northern lights with my brother. The ideas of who to hire came for me when I was hiking. The ideas of how I was going to figure out all of my finances came to me sitting on a beach in Maui when I was doing nothing. So my coach told me, she said, "Kiera, you have in your mind this definition that nothing means lazy, when nothing actually means all creation." She said, "When you stop, physically, your mind has opportunity to be quiet and your best ideas can finally reach you." Don't worry, guys, I'm still trying to process through this, it's been about two months that I've been working on this, but I will tell you, things are falling into place in the easiest way. Moving into our house in Reno fell into perfect order, even though I tried so hard not to have it happen.

0:17:04.5 KD: And I'm sitting here, looking at one of the most killer views that I've ever seen in my entire life. We were able to move, unpack in less than 24 hours. My whole house decorated, unpacked, unbox, every box done in 12 hours. How on earth was that possible? I literally don't know, but what I can tell you is I had stop trying to force things to happen, and just allow it to flow. So wherever you are, whatever is happening, if you feel like every door is slamming in your face, you often ask, "What do I do?" The answer is you stop, you get your CEO time, you get your office manager time, you get your dental assistant time, whomever you are, you get that time and you do nothing. And you are patient, and you watch and wait and remember that life is truly happening for you and not to you. I have no idea who this podcast is for today, but I know there's someone out there who needs this. And if it's you, rock on. If it's not you today, it'll be you in a couple of months, maybe a year.

0:18:07.4 KD: Rock on, life is truly happening for us and life can be magical. And life does not have to be hard. Life can and should and is easy, if we allow it. I think we sometimes get in the way trying to force things. No tree out there is forcing its growth and height. Nothing in nature is forcing the growth. It happens naturally, it happens subtly but it does happen. I bet you that tree can't tell when it's growing but we can, 'cause we can see it. We don't see it every day, but leave for a year and come back, oh, you see a huge change. That is you. And sometimes those doors slamming are the growth spurts that we don't realize that we're going through. So stop, be still and remember, life is truly happening for you and not to you. And I hope all of you can believe that, because when I heard that the first time, it literally struck a cord inside of me so strong that I haven't been able to shake.

0:19:07.1 KD: So on those dark days when everything feels like it's going wrong, remember, it's happening for you. I would ask you, if you're struggling to go and look at these challenges and actually write in your journal, how is this actually for me, how can I say that that house not working out in Florida was for me. Well, I'll tell you, it helped me realize what I need to have me and my husband happy. Being happy just myself was not gonna make me in a happy marriage. That was for me. I had not ever realized that that was a lot of my happiness in life, was making sure my husband was equally happy and fulfilled in his career. Fantastic. That was something I didn't know.

0:19:46.5 KD: How come the house in Arizona didn't work out? Guys, I'm still waiting, I don't know. But if I were to right now journal and ask, how is that for me? I would realize that I've never had to remodel a house, and I think that would have been a huge project that would have actually stressed me out more than buying a brand new build that didn't have any of those problems with me going into IVF. That way I'm not stressed out, that way hopefully I can have a successful experience.

0:20:10.3 KD: How come having a failed IVF experience was for me? This one makes me sad 'cause I realized I actually do want kids really bad and I have questioned, do I want them or do I not? And having that heartbreak of a failed IVF cycle and having the doctors call and say, "Kiera, none of your eggs made it." Oh my gosh, guys like full heartbreak. How was that for me? I'm still angry about it, but it was for me to help me realize like I really do want kids in some way. I hadn't known, guys like losing my identity of a business owner and being a mom and wondering if I could ever do that. How is that experience for me? It's teaching me to love, it's teaching me to be open and realizing that, guess what, my body is not a machine and it has to operate on its own time schedule, and if I treat it like freaking crap and run across the nation and I never take care of it, and I never eat and I never sleep, it's probably not gonna blossom too well.

0:21:14.3 KD: I've treated my body a lot better. I sleep, I eat healthy, I don't eat junk. I actually take care of myself, I work out. I don't think I would have realized that without having that experience, but if you go and look at all the things that have been hard for you this year or past years and ask yourself, how is this for me, and not to me, you might start seeing lessons and opportunities that you may have missed. And like I said, what the best thing to do when everything feels like it's falling apart, is to stop and be still, prioritize one, two or three things that must get done and realize it's all working for your good.

0:21:55.8 KD: Guys, if I can ever be a help to you, if our team can ever be a help to you, please reach out. I'd love to be a resource for you, I'd love to be a coach for you. I'd love to help give you that thousand foot view, and whatever it is, whether you're rocking it or whether you're struggling, that is something that I am passionate about, that our team is radically passionate about, 'cause we know it'll change your life and it will bless you and all the people you're around, your community, your team, your patients, everybody will be better and brighter because of you, and you have a moral obligation to be living your best life for you, for your patients, for your team. If we can help you, reach out any time [email protected]. And as always thanks for listening, and have an awesome day guys. Truly, truly, truly go have an awesome day. As always, thanks for listening, and I'll catch you next time on the Dental-A Team podcast.

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0:22:45.6 KD: And that wraps it up for another episode of The Dental-A Team podcast. Thank you so much for listening and we'll talk to you next time.

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